Sara Schaefer Blogs 'The Bachelorette': Bring on the Man Tears! (Season 9, Episode 1)

Emmy award-winning comedian Sara Schaefer, host of MTV's late show Nikki & Sara Live, will be blogging The Bachelorette for Hollywood.com all season long.

If you're like me, you've been watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette since the beginning. You can't tear yourself away season after season because, like they tell us in school, it only takes one time to become addicted to cocaine. In this scenario, of course, cocaine is the word "journey," and according to last night's premiere of The Bachelorette, this season is gonna be some gooooood s**t. Sean's fourth-place girlfriend Desiree Hartsock is going to be handing out roses this year and there are so many things to discuss I have decided to organize them in list form. (I wanted to do a PowerPoint but my editor tells me that won't work.)

Kim Kardashian's baby shower: that invitation in full

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West … a baby shower to remember. Photograph: Getty Images

Lost in Showbiz has a position on baby showers, which is that it basically doesn't do them. In the annals of irksome American cultural imports they easily outstrip little leaguers such as Gwyneth Paltrow or people saying "parsta". You decide to have a baby: you buy that shiz yourself.

Like all my hard and fast rules, though, it would obviously be broken in a heartbeat if it looked like there was a hilarious life experience in it. Consequently, I regard the invitation to Kim Kardashian's baby shower as marginally more covetable than one to Truman Capote's Black and White Ball would have been.

HOW TO SELL YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL

You can have power, wealth, an attractive mate and virtually anything else you ever dreamed of – by selling your soul to Satan! But how?

You must know what you’re doing when you make the deal or Satan will cheat you blind. That’s the word from Dr. Rex Touth, expert on satanic rituals and author of How to Negotiate Unholy Contracts.

Dr. Touth cites cases dating all the way back to the 16th century in which humans have agreed to spend eternity in Hell when they die in exchange for earthly pleasures while they’re alive.