END OF THE WORLD POSTPONED

  

YUCATAN – Mayan scholars have updated their doomsday prophecy. The world will end in 2015, not 2012.Oops…. They made a mistake. There’s good news for those who were fearing the 2012 Mayan apocalypse. They counted wrong. The world is not going to end in December 2012. Instead, it’s going to end on September 3, 2015. Update your daily planners!

A new critique, published as a chapter in the new textbook “Calendars and Years: Astronomy and Time in the Ancient and Medieval World” argues that the accepted conversions of dates from Mayan to the modern calendar are off. This coupled with a new book, “We Are All Going To Die In 2015″ by Fritz Barnkopf are rewriting the Mayan doomsday playbook that has been popularized in our culture over the last ten years.

WORLD’S BIGGEST BUTT

DALLAS, TX – Dionne Washington claims to have the biggest butt in the world.

Dionne Washington can’t imagine anything worse than dieting. Her massive bottom is 5ft 3ins across and weighs a whopping 120 pounds – about the same as Lindsay Lohan holding twenty pounds of coke.

Dionne loves her butt.

“I am literally sitting on a fortune,” says Dionne, 35. “My butt must be the widest in the world and it already earns me over $180,00 a year. I used to hate it, but now it’s my fave feature.”

U.S. CONFIRMS EXISTENCE OF MERMAIDS

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) confirmed that mermaids exist and that they are growing in numbers.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration reportedly published a post on their “Ocean Facts” newsfeed titled “Conclusive Evidence of the Existence of Aquatic Humanoids.”

The agency went on to say that “magic females”, who first appeared in cave paintings in the late Paleolithic (Stone Age) period some 30,000 years ag, when modern humans began to sail the seas, do exist and are living in all the oceans of the world.

BAT BOY: GOING MUTANT

Bat Boy: Going Mutant! Hollywood’s favorite book about it’s hottest new star!

Insiders say that Bat Boy will soon be the biggest star Hollywood has ever known! Meanwhile:

Oprah loves the book:

WWN presents the true story of Bat Boy in the hit book, Going Mutant: The Bat Boy Exposed!

“In a world gone batty… there was one Bat who could save the world.”

TUPAC IS ALIVE

 

PBS is reporting that Tupac Shakur was sighted and photographed having drinks at a bar in Snug, Tasmania. Soon thereafter the internet was ablaze with speculation if this was real and Tupac was really alive.

Tupac Shakur was allegedly gunned down September 7th 1996 after leaving a boxing match. However reporters have discovered that Tupac actually survived the shooting, but he and record label executives paid off medical examiners to claim he had died. His apparent death allowed him to escape his assailants and his constant legal battles.

CICADAS ATTACK!

Billions of cicadas are terrorizing the East Coast of the United States.

After 17 years underground — and after plenty of headlines heralding their arrival — Brood II cicadas are starting to pop their beady, red eyes out. And they seem to be angry.

SELENA GOMEZ PREGNANT WITH BIEBER’S BABY

HOLLYWOOD – Sources close to Selena Gomez announced that she is pregnant. And Justin Bieber is the father!

As TMZ first reported, Selena Gomez selena gomez pregnant was rushed to the hospital after taping an appearance a few months ago on “The Tonight Show.” She had been complaining of nausea and a severe headache.

Sources tell WNN that Gomez underwent a number of tests for blood pressure issues, but doctors could not determine what was causing the problem.

HOW TO SELL YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL

You can have power, wealth, an attractive mate and virtually anything else you ever dreamed of – by selling your soul to Satan! But how?

You must know what you’re doing when you make the deal or Satan will cheat you blind. That’s the word from Dr. Rex Touth, expert on satanic rituals and author of How to Negotiate Unholy Contracts.

Dr. Touth cites cases dating all the way back to the 16th century in which humans have agreed to spend eternity in Hell when they die in exchange for earthly pleasures while they’re alive.

KE$SHA DATING A GHOST

Singer-songwriter and rapper Ke$ha is dating a ghost. And plans to marry him.

Ke$ha said that she fell in love with the ghost over the last few months. ”He was visiting me every night before I went to bed. We talked and got really close and then, one thing led to another,” the singer reportedly said.

She does not feel that she is crazy or that it is unusual to be dating a ghost.

In an interview with Ryan Seacrest, Ke$ha revealed last September that she had multiple intimate experiences with a ghost and that her song Supernatural was inspired by the affair.

Steve Jobs Emails Show How to Win a Hard-Nosed Negotiation

The U.S. government’s price-fixing lawsuit against Apple goes to trial next month in New York. Ahead of its court date, the U.S. released emails that purport to show Apple was the “ringleader” in a scheme to set artificially high ebook prices with some of the largest American publishers, which have already settled the case.

The emails have mostly been viewed in the context of the lawsuit, but they also provide an extraordinary view of high-stakes negotiation between the leaders of two powerful firms, Apple and News Corp. They start far apart, but over the course of five days, Apple’s then-CEO Steve Jobs successfully pulls the son of News Corp. CEO Rupert Murdoch over to his side.